She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
