mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
