kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
