i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
