Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
