HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
