I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
