It's Friday. Sex?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
