if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize