By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
