The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
