I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
