The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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