so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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