I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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