I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
