Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
