I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
