so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
