i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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