Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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