He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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