All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
