i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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