The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
