I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
