I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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