Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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