A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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