so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
