My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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