DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
