on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
