i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
