3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
