I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i barfeds in our rink
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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