Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
