Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
