How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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