wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
