Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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