im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
