Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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