I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
