idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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