Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
