it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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