Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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