Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
