I'm jealous of your bromance
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
