My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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