let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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