what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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