I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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