Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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