Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
