i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The best revenge is premature balding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
