There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
