I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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