Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
