wakey wakey hands off snakey
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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