Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
