wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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