Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
