Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
