Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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