Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
