I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
